Why you should not `dump` your baby in boarding school.
During a visit at my daughter’s school a few years ago, I was shocked to learn the school admitted children as young as age two as boarders.
Can you imagine a two-year-old baby in boarding school! I raised my concern with my daughter’s class teacher who admitted they had several toddlers as boarders at the school. He said some were not even a year-old!
The teacher told me some of those babies were in boarding school because they have busy parents.
Yes. Busy parents! “Some parents travel a lot and have less time to be with their children,” the teacher told me.
It is understandable that in today’s world, people need to work hard to earn a living, but we need to have limits. Some parents today are too busy with work, as they try to secure a better future for their children to the point that they no longer have a single minute to be with their children.
Well and good. But one wonders the kind of future these parents are trying to secure for their children if they don’t even have time to spend with them in the first place! In some families, a week could pass without children seeing one or both parents.
These parents leave very early in the morning while the kids are still asleep and return when the children have gone to bed.
Parents need to balance work and family for not sparing time to spend with the children is equal to neglecting them. And many parents are doing so. Because they are too busy, others traveling every now and then, some parents are resorting to sending their children to boarding school at tender ages.
An age when child education specialists and psychologists say children need to be under the care of their parents. The age at which they need parental love the most.
But here are parents who, like one school owner put it ‘dump’ their children in schools so they can be helped to take care of them by other people. Parents have no time to give love and care to their children anymore. They assign the job to total strangers.
What they don’t ask themselves is how is it possible for a stranger to love and take good care of your child if you, the parent can not do so?
According to this school owner, some babies, are in boarding school as a result of relationship break-ups. “When relationships turn sour, the children are dumped in boarding school,” said the school owner, adding with a smile; “at least these parents want their children to get an education.”
What kind of education do stressed and sad children get when all they do is cry and brood over their ‘missing’ parents? Parents have since time immemorial been calling it quits but I never heard of any dumping their children as a result. I mean responsible parents.
One worker at the school told me the parents only get to see their children on visiting days once in every month. And not all parents have the time to visit every month though.
“You should see the way the children cry when parents leave,” the worker told me. So heart breaking!
I agree with the school head who refers to the act of sending babies to boarding school as ‘dumping’ the children.
How on earth can a parent send such a young child to boarding school? Why choose work or whatever it is over your child? Well, I know we need to work to be able to provide for our children, but we also need to consider their welfare.
I have a two-year-old child and every time he rests on my lap when I return home from work, my mind usually goes to the poor kids in boarding school. I never forget the sight of a small baby crying at the school (a boarder), probably seeking for the attention and love of its caregiver who at that time was busy with other kids. You know, the way children do when they need their mothers’ attention!
Know what happens when these children don’t get the love, attention and pampering they expect to get from a parent? Anger and frustration build up in them and the effects can be enormous later in life. Such children tend to lack love, care, and sympathy for others.
Experts discourage sending children to boarding school at an early age saying children need parental care as this is the basic elementary knowledge they need for proper psychological development and maturity.
A University of Dar es Salaam Early Childhood Education expert, Prof. Akundaeli Mbise was recently quoted as saying that sending children away denies them the basic right of continuous communication with their parents, which is the basis of their social, physical and intellectual stimulation before they are ready for an autonomous life in school.
“Admission into boarding school at an early age leads to poor emotional growth. Separating children under eight years from their parents makes the children frustrated emotionally,” says the psychologist. Most children, according to psychiatrists get stressed as a result and some end up becoming mentally ill, later in life.
Taking little children to boarding school detaches them from their families and psychiatrists say this could lead to the children abandoning their parents or having low attachment with them as adults.
“Losing parental warmth may lead to developing negative behaviour for lack of cooperation, low level of sympathy, exposure to bullying among children with nowhere to transfer the sense of stress, leading to fear and seeking revenge,” Prof. Mbise was quoted as saying.
Some psychiatrists recommended that the best time to take children to boarding school, if necessary is when they are in standard four. Most children are ten in standard four.
Experts have for a long time expressed concern over today’s parents’ busy schedules which leave them with no time for their children. As a result they say, parents fail to notice the malpractices their children engage in during their absence and due to lack of parental guidance.
This has been costing parents dearly in the long run as children turn into irresponsible adults. Some become drug addicts, prostitutes, you name it.
“Children today are left to look after themselves because of the parents’ busy schedules and this is really costing us. People are abandoning their children,” says Yusta Ntibashima, Community Awareness Programme Manager for the Mwanza-based Kivulini Women’s Rights Organisation.
She says parents don’t have time to sit and talk with their children and only complain when things go wrong.
Parents whose babies are in boarding school need to reconsider their decision. No matter how much money you pay to your child’s school, just remember no one can provide your child with the parental love they need and deserve.
Children aged between nine months to five depending on the child and environment, are famous at temper tantrums. According to experts, toddlers tend to have temper tantrums because they have such strong emotions but can not express themselves the way that older children and adults do. They also throw tantrums to let others know that they are free and can do what they want.
This is a normal developmental milestone as toddlers explore to find out who they are, a stage experts say repeats itself in adolescence. Only parents can handle these tantrums better which is why children need to go through this stage with their parents.
Caregivers at school don’t have the time to deal with children as individuals. They don’t have time to give the small kids the love they deserve.
I heard a story of a nursery teacher who scolded a child for soiling his shorts and angrily told him to go wash them. And such teachers are many.
Imagine leaving your child in the hands of such a teacher for months while ‘you make money!’ Or because you and your partner went separate ways? Why do this at the expense of the children’s happiness and future?
I strongly recommend that parents should only take older children to boarding school and only when necessary. We need to put our children first and not money or our careers/businesses. We need to sacrifice for our children even if it means quitting our jobs for our children’s sake. It’s high time the government banned admission of babies into boarding school! |
Kwa nini unapaswa `dampo` mtoto wako katika shule za bweni. Wakati wa ziara katika shule binti yangu miaka michache iliyopita, nilikuwa kutishwa kujifunza shule alikiri watoto kama vijana kama umri wa miaka miwili kama boarders.
Je, unaweza kufikiria mtoto wawili wa umri wa miaka katika shule ya bweni! Mimi alimfufua wasiwasi wangu na mwalimu binti yangu ambaye alikiri walikuwa toddlers kadhaa kama boarders shuleni. Alisema baadhi walikuwa hata umri wa miaka!
mwalimu aliniambia baadhi ya watoto wale walikuwa katika shule za bweni kwa sababu wana wazazi busy.
Ndiyo. Busy wazazi! "Baadhi ya wazazi kusafiri sana na kuwa chini ya muda wa kuwa pamoja na watoto wao," Mwalimu aliniambia.
Inaeleweka kwamba katika dunia ya leo, watu wanahitaji kufanya kazi kwa bidii ili kupata maisha, lakini tunahitaji kuwa na mipaka. Baadhi ya wazazi leo ni busy sana na kazi, kama kujaribu kupata maisha bora ya baadaye kwa watoto wao kwa uhakika kwamba hakuna tena dakika moja kuwa pamoja na watoto wao.
Naam na nzuri. Lakini moja anashangaa aina ya wazazi baadaye hizi ni kujaribu kupata kwa watoto wao kama wao hawana hata wakati wa kukaa na yao katika nafasi ya kwanza! Katika baadhi ya familia, inaweza kupita wiki bila watoto kuona mmoja au wazazi wote wawili.
Wazazi hawa wanaacha sana asubuhi na mapema wakati watoto bado wamelala na kurudi wakati watoto wamekwenda kitanda.
Wazazi wanahitaji kusawazisha kazi na familia kwa hawatakuwa na huruma wakati wa kukaa na watoto ni sawa na kupuuza kwao. Na wazazi wengi ni kufanya hivyo. Kwa sababu wao ni busy sana, na wengine wanasafiri kila sasa na baadaye, baadhi ya wazazi ni kutegemea kupeleka watoto wao shule za bweni katika umri zabuni.
umri wakati mtoto elimu wataalamu na wanasaikolojia wanasema watoto haja ya kuwa chini ya uangalizi wa wazazi wao. umri ambao wanahitaji upendo wa wazazi wengi.
Lakini hapa ni wazazi ambao, kama moja shule mmiliki kuiweka 'dampo' watoto wao katika shule ili waweze kusaidiwa kuwatunza na watu wengine. Wazazi hawana muda wa kutoa upendo na huduma kwa watoto wao tena. Wanamfanyia kazi kwa wageni jumla.
Nini hawana kujiuliza ni jinsi gani inawezekana kwa mgeni kwa upendo na kuchukua huduma nzuri ya mtoto wako kama wewe, mzazi hawezi kufanya hivyo?
Kulingana na hii mmiliki wa shule, baadhi ya watoto, ni katika shule za bweni kama matokeo ya uhusiano ups mapumziko. "Wakati mahusiano chacha, watoto kutupwa katika shule ya bweni," alisema mmiliki shule, na kuongeza kwa tabasamu; "angalau hizi wazazi wanataka watoto wao kupata elimu."
Nini elimu ya aina gani alisisitiza na watoto kusikitisha kupata wakati wote kufanya ni kilio na vifaranga juu ya wazazi wao kukosa '? Wazazi wana tangu enzi na enzi wakati wamekuwa kuiita quits lakini mimi kamwe kusikia yoyote utupaji watoto wao kama matokeo. I mean wazazi kuwajibika.
Moja mfanyakazi katika shule aliniambia wazazi tu kupata kuona watoto wao juu ya siku ya kutembelea mara moja katika kila mwezi. Na si wazazi wote na muda wa kutembelea kila mwezi ingawa.
"Unapaswa kuona njia watoto kilio wakati wazazi kuondoka," Mfanyakazi aliniambia. Hivyo moyo kuvunja!
Nakubaliana na kichwa shule ambao unahusu kitendo cha kutuma watoto shule za bweni kama 'utupaji' watoto.
Jinsi duniani unaweza mzazi kumpeleka mtoto vile vijana shule za bweni? Nini kuchagua kazi au chochote ni juu ya mtoto wako? Naam, najua tunahitaji kufanya kazi kwa kuwa na uwezo wa kutoa kwa ajili ya watoto wetu, lakini pia tunahitaji kufikiria maslahi yao.
Nina mtoto wa miaka miwili-zamani na kila wakati yeye anakaa juu Lap yangu wakati mimi kurudi nyumbani kutoka kazini, mawazo yangu kwa kawaida huenda kwa watoto maskini katika shule za bweni. Mimi kamwe kusahau mbele ya mtoto mdogo kilio shuleni (boarder), pengine kutafuta kwa makini na upendo wa mlezi wake ambaye wakati huo alikuwa busy na watoto wengine. Unajua, watoto njia kufanya wakati wanahitaji makini mama zao!
Kujua nini kinatokea wakati watoto hawa hawapati upendo, tahadhari na pampering wanatarajia kupata kutoka mzazi? Hasira na kuchanganyikiwa kujenga ndani yao na madhara inaweza kuwa kubwa sana baadaye katika maisha. Watoto hao huwa na ukosefu upendo, huduma, na huruma kwa wengine.
Wataalam tamaa kupeleka watoto shule za bweni katika umri mdogo akisema watoto wanahitaji kutunzwa na wazazi kama hii ni ya msingi ya msingi wanahitaji elimu kwa maendeleo ya sahihi ya kisaikolojia na ukomavu.
Chuo Kikuu cha Dar es Salaam mtaalam Mafunzo ya Elimu, Prof Mbise Akundaeli hivi karibuni alinukuliwa akisema kuwa kupeleka watoto mbali anakanusha haki yao ya msingi ya mawasiliano ya kuendelea na wazazi wao, ambayo ni...
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